Barclay Press #5

September 7, 2006

There are dangers in writing this blog out in the open for everyone to read! I’ve made a commitment to myself to make myself be real, but sometimes that doesn’t mesh so well with also being a pastor. I wasn’t really considering quitting; I was honestly wrestling with my own level of energy for what I do, wrestling with whether what I bring to the table will work in the long run in the role I am in.

Overwhelmingly yesterday, God answered that with a yes. I’m very grateful for that.

I’ve continued to read and think about the strengths book. Two of my top strengths on their inventory came out as “Strategic” and “Futuristic”. Without a huge definition of what the authors mean by that, it seems to fit me, and it helps explain some things. This means that I can’t help thinking about and envisioning the future, a better future, an ideal future; and I can’t help looking for patterns, structures, asking “What if?” People at NFC can’t help but have heard me talk about change, future, vision, mission, etc. etc.

I know that sometimes that comes across as me being unhappy with the status quo, unhappy with NFC. Then, when I am open about my stress or about whether I fit, I think some people mis-interpret and think I don’t think NFC is good enough, and I want to leave for greener pastures. That really isn’t it at all. I can’t help seeing what NFC could be, and when I struggle, I doubt my own abilities to help us get there.

Anyway, more on that next week, probably. Today was my first complete day off in a long time, and it was good. I played a lot with Aubrey, spent time puttering around the house with Elaine, and set up my annual football “just for fun” pool. It was a good day…not earth shattering and profound, like yesterday felt, but a good day.

Posted in church thoughts, finding myself